Bruges: A haven for retirees

When I woke up last Saturday, I checked out the weather in Bruges just to see what I would be up against. (SURPRISE! it ended up being 60 degrees and overcast)

I was surprised to see that Bruges, Belgium is not a listed city on weather.com. I found out why when I entered the city. Apparently we are the ONLY country that calls it Bruges. Nearly everyone else in the world calls it Brugge. And oh MAN you should hear Flemish people say the world Brugge. I swear it is the most hideous sound you'll hear. Something along the lines of: "bbbbbrrrRRuuUUuuuggggTTTHHHHHHE"

But for a city with an ugly name, it sure was pretty. The city was very unassuming. It just sat there, waiting to be noticed. It has canals all over the place, lots of forests, and (just like the rest of Europe) old buildings! Europeans must think that Americans are obsessed with old buildings. Tour guides are always like: "This structure was built in the 16th century" and every American tourist trips over themselves scrambling for their camera to take a picture of a 500 year old outhouse. Myself included.

Without fail, I get home, check my camera, and find 50 pictures of old outhouses and ancient benches. I never learn.

My list of Brugge adventures

1) Tricked into eating at a super expensive restaurant (I don't want to get into it...) 
I had Flemish beefsteak. I think. I can't really remember what it was. But it was delicious. The two Spanish women next to me asked what I was eating and I couldn't remember how to say "beef" so I said "cow meat." They then smiled uncomfortably and turned around. 10 years of my life studying Spanish WELL SPENT.

2) Wandered into a nunnery
Really. We can't read Flemish so we just walked into this area. The signs started to say "quiet please" and "no photos" and then one said "please respect the nuns" and we started to get the picture. But by then we were standing in the middle of their courtyard. I wish I were joking. They actually had a really interesting museum that we toured. That's where I found this little gem.

AVERT YOUR EYES! HE'S PEERING INTO MY SOUL. Anywho, Benguine nuns are crazy. Honestly the whole place felt like an M.Night Shyamalan movie. And also slightly haunted.

3) Bruges boat tour! 
These were everywhere. And as soon as we entered the boat, we realized that we were the only people in the boat under the age of 55. Then we looked around on land, and we were also the only people in the area under 55. Then we stepped back and realized that we were the only people IN BRUGES under the age of 55.

I exaggerate. But only slightly.

The boat tour was very interesting. It was translated in Dutch, then English, then German. (side note: Flemish=Dutch. But don't tell that to the "Flemish" people in Belgium. They'll get offended. In loose terms, Dutch-speakers in Belgium are Flemish. Dutch speakers in Netherlands are Dutch. It gets confusing). We saw the Belfry, which is apparently very famous, especially for its appearance in the movie "In Bruges." Which I never saw. But here it is!

It was also cool because there were swans all over the place, and they were so used to the boats that they just floated alongside us as we moved.

4) Carriage Rides


Not everyone knows this, but I am strongly against carriage rides. They are not romantic. They  are a 20 minute forced horse-butt exhibition. And the whole time all you smell is horse poo. And 5-year olds on Razor scooters are moving faster than you. And you're forced to make small-talk with the carriage conductors (drivers? operator?) who are NEVER normal. When you get on a bus, are you forced to talk to the driver? What about train conductors? I'm just saying.

SHMANYWAY. Carriage rides. They're all the rage in Bruges. I flat out refused even though my traveling buddy was totally up for it. But this water trough was just awesome.

The drivers go to it, fill up their water bucket from the horse's mouth, and give it to their horse. While one driver was filling up a bucket, the man next to me reached out to pet the horse. The horse driver then shouted, "Sir! You touch my horse, I touch your wife." Then horse-petter then slowly backed away.



We did a lot of walking around, general touring, and some pastry eating. But it was just a day-trip, so we didn't have time for everything. All in all, beautiful city. I would definitely go back.

The distant future: The year 2000

I felt like a bit of a Debbie Downer yesterday so I've decided to turn the switch on today's post.

(The number one celebrity I'm compared to? Rachel Dratch ^^. "You look like her... but prettier!" TOO LITTLE TOO LATE.)

Today I'm going to talk about: the future. 

Specifically, my future in Europe. Now that I only have ten days left here, I'm starting to mourn for the places I could have gone if I had 2,000 euro to throw around. I was told that as soon as you go to Europe once, you get the bug. Hopefully, by making this list I will be pushed to come back soon.

1) Go back to London and spend more than 2 days there

I feel like I didn't get enough time in any of the places I visited, but London was particularly difficult. It's just so big, and there are so many things to do. Specifically, I would try to stop by my friend's recommended pub called: Dirty Dicks

It just looks fun. And I didn't get the chance to stop by any pubs while I was there. The reason for this is that all pubs close at 11:30 (oh Europe...) but all the natives reassured me that if I get in there before 11, they might stay open until midnight. And I think we ALL know what kind of craziness happens when Brits stay up past midnight:

I attach all my thoughts on British people to Harry Potter. 

2) Visit Ireland

I connect all of my thoughts on Ireland to the movie, "War of the Buttons." Have you seen it? Of course you haven't. No one has except for the members of my immediate family.

And to my family I say:
"Please sir, how many swear words do you know?"
"What makes you think I know any?"
"You're grown up, my daddy known hundreds!"
"Then I suggest you take your problem up with him."

I can't even tell you why I want to go to Ireland. I just... do. It's pretty. It's also the one place that I could see myself going alone. I'm not saying that I don't want company. I'm just saying I think I could go there by myself and not have a mental breakdown because I don't speak the language.

3) Visit East Europe


It is a whole different world over there. I think I'd like to visit Croatia, possibly the Czech Republic. And those countries aren't even that far east. If I really want to get crazy, I could visit Bulgaria or Romania. You know, if there wasn't the whole corrupt government and organized crime thing going on.

4) Play soccer with Europeans


From my observations at the park that I like to visit, even 5-year-olds could kick my ass in soccer. European families go to the park with their adorable French speaking children (don't get me started), drive some sticks into the ground to serve as goal-posts, and just go nuts. Not to mention the groups of 20-something men who play in the park and get WAY too into the game. Every goal scored is grounds for the emission of a guttural battle cry.


5) Visit Berlin/Go back to Amsterdam and ride a bike


I was waaayy to scared to ride a bike in Amsterdam, but I think if I went back, or if I visited Berlin (where bike-riding is also popular) I could summon the courage. I mean... come on.

It's just so cute I can't stand it.



ohh goodness there are so many more things, but I'll have to finish this list later. Time for class!

I do actually go to school

*** WARNING! This post contains boring information about what I'm studying & also my opinions on several political issues. If you don't care about my opinions (understandably) or the European Union, please feel free to skip to my next post ****


It has come to my attention that some people are actually interested in what I'm learning while I'm over here. I don't know why... bunch of nerds.

Essentially, I'm learning about the European Union: what it does, why it's failing, how long until Germany bitch slaps Greece in the face, etc.

I'll be honest: it's really not interesting unless you want to become involved with the EU, so I'm only going to share the most interesting bits.

1) Very few European member states actually like the EU. They linger at about 50% approval rating. (consider though, that Obama is currently chilling at about 44% approval rating. U.S. presidents rarely get above 55%)

2) The euro is dropping. They're on their way to hitting the dollar mark (SUCKAS. WELCOME TO OUR DEBT CRISIS MWAH HA HA HA).

3) Why is it dropping? Poor planning. Greece is drowning because in order to get into the EU, they lied about how much money they had. And then they spent money they didn't have. That they borrowed from richer countries (see Germany's bitch slap).

If you want to see Stephen Colbert explain the Greek debt crisis in a hilarious and 100% true way, click here

4) The European Commissioner on Maritime Affairs and Fisheries (The nice lady who counts fish) has the same salary as the President of the United States. This is INSANE. Mostly because she has a microscopic fraction of the influence & responsibilities that Obama has. So everyone needs to participate in one giant untwisting of their panties about how much money our government officials make because it could be worse.

5) Europe suffers from a lot of racism. Asylum seekers are fleeing from Libya, Tunisia, Egypt and Europeans are not digging it. France & Denmark closed their borders (which is totes illegal, btw) in order to keep all immigrants out. So its not just Americans who are scared of everyone who isn't white!

6) Racism exists between member states too. Portuguese people can't get jobs in the Netherlands because they "don't handle money well." Because stereotyping an entire country has worked so well in the past.

I think I've done enough venting (sorry I'm in the middle of writing a research paper about the rise of racism) so I'll let all of you who made it to the end of this post (no one) go back to your lives!

And may I end this post with a joke?
-A man walks into a bar with a slab of concrete. He says, "One for me, and one for the road."

It's ALL London Baby... Here we go!

I'm just going to say it: London makes me think of that episode of "Friends". You know: The One When Ross Gets Married. I'm not embarrassed.

And speaking of "Friends," I had no idea that the Brits are obsessed with our 90s sitcoms. While waiting in line to get into a bar, this guy in front of me (who just turned 18 and had to get in with his LEARNER'S PERMIT) (ugh, I'm old) (not really)(but still) started talking about how the UK is obsessed with American culture. But it feels like they're about 7 years behind. Here's a few things he asked me if I like:

1) "Friends"

2) "Everybody loves Raymond"

3) "Seinfeld"

4) Mixing all of my drinks with Monster energy drink

5) "2 and a Half Men"

6) Kentucky

He also said that British people never backwash in their drinks. It's apparently an American thing. I call Shenanigans! That just sounds untrue. 

When I was asked what sort of British TV shows or movies we watch I could only come up with

1) Love Actually

2) Pride and Prejudice

Then I mentioned that "The Office: UK version" is on TV sometimes. My American friend next to me blurted out, "OH! You guys have The Office, too!?" And then the British boy narrowed his eyes and flames flew out of his ears á la Dr. Kelso on Scrubs.

 God, where was I? And how is it possible that I could have such a long digression about T.V. shows? Oh that's right. T.V. is half my life.

So, London. I did a LOT of nerdly sightseeing, so I think I'll just leave out a list of some of the things I accomplished. 

1) Buckingham Palace

Pretty cool, lots of gold everywhere, very crowded. I didn't end up seeing the changing of the guard (Because I would have had to get up at 8a.m. Priorities.). While we were there, the Queen was out in Scotland enjoying her holiday. Much like the rest of Europe. 

Our tour guide did a dynamite impression of the Queen, by the by. 

2) St. James Park

Very pretty, lots of war memorials. The best one was England's tribute to Canada's effort in WWII. It literally looked like a wedge of cheese sitting on the ground. And children were sliding up and down on it. The grass was growing up to your knees because the lawn maintenance people are all on holiday. Damn you Europeans and your "anything goes" holiday schedules!!

3) Big Ben

Actually much smaller than you'd think. But tons of really cool intricate design. 

4) Westminster Abby

Caused me to quote "Friends" to anyone and everyone in the vicinity. "Man, YOU are Westminster crabby." No one else knew the quote. 

5) Portobello Road Market

The street market from "Notting Hill!" It was really cool, and super crowded. I tried searching for the "travel book" shop from the movie but I got distracted by the cool stuff and I couldn't find it. I tried authentic fish & chips here. I'm not such a fish fan, but I was told if you like fish, it was really good.

6) Visited a gay club in Soho

Soho is a very posh area of London with a lot of shopping, clubbing, and gay people. You'd be amazed at how many times those three things go together. We shared our hostel with two Brazilians and my traveling buddy (who speaks fluent portuguese) convinced them to take us out. We spent the night at Soho's coolest gay bar and it was awesome.

7) Visited Clarence House

This is one of the homes of Princes Harry, William, and Charles. William has obvi moved out with his new lady into their new Kensington palace. According to our Irish tour guide (my go-to expert on all things British) Harry is ready to settle down, and goes out to Soho to troll for ladies. No, I didn't spot him. Sadly. 

8) Ministry of Sound

I had no idea that this was such a hopping place. I saw Benny Bonassi (apparently a very popular DJ). I'm not hip and jiggy enough to know these things. I also didn't particularly like the place, I guess I'm not that into techno club scenes. Now we know. But it was really cool to experience and I definitely understand why other people like it. 

9) Hyde Park

Gorgeous. Wonderful. Mostly because the weather was PERFECT for us the entire weekend. We ate lunch on the deck of a cafe place and just walked around. 

There was more, but I need to get cracking on a research paper. Oof. Toodles!