Prince Harry... you will be mine.

When I was younger, I was a total gold digger. In my mind, I would marry rich. And that would be the end of that. I'm not sure why I wanted to marry rich. I think I just knew that I was the third daughter, so I would be the third wedding that my parents would have to pay for. Yes, I had money worries at the age of 9. I wish I was kidding.

Shmanyway, my dad was always quite encouraging of my grand plans. We had a few conversations that went something like:

Me: "I think I'll marry rich. Like a Rockefeller. Or Prince Harry."
Dad: "That sounds like a perfect idea. And if that doesn't work out... you should probably just elope."

He was kidding. I was NOT. At least, not about Harry.

Ah, Harry. I can call you Harry, right? Good.

Well I'm proud to announce: I will be one step closer to making him my prisoner/husband because I LEAVE FOR LONDON TOMORROW!! I assume that once we're in the same country it will only be a matter of time...

Europe: Where everything is just a little bit different

Here's my philosophy on Europe so far: some things are largely different from the U.S. (like language, cars on opposite sides of the road, etc.) but most things are just slightly different. Let me just list off some minor differences.

Also, in an attempt to not knock off The Oatmeal's "Minor Differences" I have changed my list to be called "Trivial differences."

(By the by, this post is not meant to rant on Europeans. I love the place, don't get me wrong. I'm just saying... differences.)

Europe v. America: Trivial differences

1. Light switches

What fresh hell is this? It's some strange square on the wall. Is there such a thing as the expression, "to flip a switch?" Because I don't see how it could apply. Also, you can't tell when a light is switched on or off, it just looks like a flat square. This has lead me to more confusion than I'm comfortable admitting.


2. Vacations
The country of Belgium just up and shuts down from July to August. This is not an exaggeration. People here get 10 weeks paid vacation to start, and they just take them all at the same time. So you get to a store and there's just a sign that says, "Be back on August 28th." Oh. Oh I see. AND THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO! They're just... gone.
Mr. Whisker's heart medication will have to wait. The vet is closed for the month.

3. Manners
It feels like everyone here is obsessed with proper etiquette, but I feel that it might just be that I don't know the norms yet. I don't notice proper etiquette in the U.S. because I just instinctively know what to do and how to act.

HOWEVER. This one train worker pushed it too far when he snapped at one of my friends about having her foot tucked under her leg while she slept. This is a direct quote from a train ticket stamper: "Miss, here in Europe we don't put our feet up on the chair because we aren't five years old. If I see it again, I'll throw you off the train."

What the what? Oh I'm SORRY, everybody. Miss manners is apparently here to collect and stamp our train tickets.

Also, you have to eat pizza with a fork and knife and I'm finding it very difficult. ALSO there is a special way to hold your fork and knife which I am failing at.

4. Water
Here is the routine in which you order water:
1. Ask for tap water.
2. When they don't have it, ask for flat water.
3. When they don't have it, ask for sparkling water.
4. When it comes warm, ask for ice.
5. When they don't have ice, just suck it up and drink your sparkling water. Then pay 3 euro.

As far as I've seen in Europe, people don't drink water. I think they've evolved so that their bodies don't require it. There is no such thing as a drinking fountain, and certainly no such thing as free water. More often than not, water is more expensive than beer, and it comes in a much smaller glass. 


Also, (this goes along with manners), but you absolutely do NOT drink water straight out of a water bottle. They will bring you a cup and you must pour the water from the bottle into the glass. (Europe: adding unnecessary steps to your meals since 1881) If you don't, you'll end up like my friend who received a disapproving head shake from the old man sitting across from us. 

5. Shoes
Did you know that it's totally geeky to wear tennis shoes in public? Like, even cool fashionable Nike type shoes are lame. They have to be a special "European-type" style. Thus, my nerdified adidas only come out when I go running.

6. Pharmacies
There are "day pharmacies" and "night pharmacies." The day pharmacies open at noon and close at 6ish. The night pharmacies rotate. Like, maybe one night a pharmacy will be open, but tomorrow it'll be the night pharmacy 5 blocks down (or 20 blocks down, as was the case when I had food poisoning in a Quick Burger bathroom).

And, as with everything, they close for months at a time. Which begs the question: WHAT IF THESE PEOPLE GET SICK!? They must stockpile every pharmaceutical item because I have honestly never stumbled upon a pharmacy that was open.

7. Ordering food
Don't get too specific with your food order. The waiters don't like it. I once asked if I could share fries with my friend and a waiter just laughed in my face. Then he told me that fries are a side dish. When I asked if I could just order the side dish he laughed again. In Belgium, these people do not get tips. They are not there for your enjoyment. They're there to mock your food choices and sell you expensive water.


8. Mega-stores
They don't really exist. I'm not talking about just Wal-Mart right now. There aren't even Walgreens, CVS, or other smaller stores. And grocery stores only sell food. You can't get razors, cooking equipment, shampoo, office supplies etc. Every item has its own specialized store. It would be like if you needed a notebook and instead of just stopping by Jewel you have to drive to Office Max because they're the only ones that stock it.

9. Public transportation
Everybody takes it. Old ladies, little kids, everyone. And they are AGGRESSIVE. I witnessed a woman literally push a stroller (with a child inside) onto two wheels in order to get to the door faster. If you jostle someone, don't apologize because they certainly wouldn't. If you smile and say sorry they will look at you like you have three heads.


There are plenty more differences, but I think I've hit the ones that have affected me the most at this point. I would turn of the light and go to bed... but first I'll have to figure out the light switch.

"They all went down to Amster- SHHHH!"

First and most importantly: who else remembers singing that song up there ^^ around a campfire? No one? Anyone? Who else went to church camp from the ages of 2 months to 16 years? HOLLA IF YOU WITH ME!

... alright calm down. So. Amsterdam. Before I left I was a little sour on Amsterdam because I spent the last week listening to people say one of three things when I told them about my trip:

1) Oh! Amsterdam! Don't go and smoke too much pot! HA HA HA. You know that it's legal there right?
2) Don't go wandering into the Red Light District! You know prostitution is legal there right?
3) Don't drink too much! You know they fish Americans out of the canals all the time right?

and here is my issue: What is it about me that strikes people as the stupidest person they've ever met? No, I had no ideal that marijuana was legal in Amsterdam because I live under a rock and I'm also blind and deaf.

Ranting aside, Amsterdam was awesome. It's just a great place with a mixture of old, new, and borderline illegal. The first night we were there we joined a bar crawl with an assortment of Irish, British, Australian, and American participants. They took us to several bars, including one in the red light district.

Now, keep in mind that in Amsterdam the red light district is only half sketchy. It's also their historical district because it's the oldest part of the city. So, after 11:30 its scary. Before 11:30 it's touristy. We went through at the sketchy time. Let me break down Amsterdam prostitution for you.

A scantily clad young woman stands in an enormous window and raps on the glass every time young men walk by. The women are self-employed and even receive subsidies from the government. However, you are not allowed to take any pictures (sorry, fellas) because if you do the bouncers will throw a jar of urine on you or at least take your camera away. I saw the latter happen. Not the former, thank god.

It really is not a scary place. It's interesting to see that part of a city. I'm not saying I'll be going back anytime soon (Don't worry mom, I won't.) It's just, culture.

This post is getting too long and full of words so I'm stopping at the first night for now. I'm going to need to write an Amsterdam: Part II later.

Grocery shopping in Europe. Or: "Reason #54 why I should have learned French"

Before this trip, I had only ever been outside the country once and that was to visit Canada with my family. And I was seven. 

I'm using that as my excuse for why I have absolutely no idea what any European customs are. None. And this lead to a few embarrassing moments, particularly at the grocery store. SO! I'mma go ahead and leave a little guide here for any first time Belgian shoppers. 

1. Stores do not provide bags for you. 

Right?! I was absolutely unprepared for this. The first time I went to pick up some items from an express supermarket they just unceremoniously pushed my items (a wine bottle corkscrew thing and some croissants) towards me. I then had to tuck all the croissants under one arm and carry the corkscrew in my hand as I wandered home. I don't know why they don't have bags. You just have to deal with it. And learn the phrase "je voudrais un sac."

2. Stores will not bag your groceries

There is no faster way to feel like a rude, presumptuous American than to stand and stare at a cashier for a full 2 minutes before you realize that they are not going to pack your bags for you, and you need to do it yourself. (You also need to provide the bags. Please refer to Rule #1.)

3. Many European credit cards have special chips in them. American cards do not. 

This means that the cashiers make you sign the receipt. Every. Single. Time. Debit, credit, under $25, always. Don't be that girl (me) that holds up the self check-out for a million years because they need to find someone authorized to check your receipt. 

4. You often need to weigh your fruits and veggies ahead of time. 

Also don't be that girl (me) who doesn't weigh her produce and gets to self-checkout and has to put everything back/ lie about what's in her cart so that she can just get out of there already because she's already holding people up with the credit card thing and HOW DID THE LINE GET SO LONG BEHIND ME?!?! Christ. 

5. More often than not, Cashiers are asking a question that you should just say "yes" to. 

So many times I've had to ask cashiers to repeat themselves in English only to find out that they were saying things like, "Is that all?", "Receipt in the bag?", "Have a good weekend!", or "Ma'am please stop hyperventilating, we're fixing the produce and credit card problems."

If they say it under their breath, if they are obviously not even paying attention to what they're saying, or if it sounds like something they've said a thousand times... Just smile and nod.

Alright. I think that's enough to get by on. Peace out girl scouts. 

Better late than never

First of all, sorry that the name of my blog is also the name of this blog entry. I don't know how to fix it/ I can't be bothered to click a few buttons and look. Later, later.

So I'm currently also writing another blog which is published on the school website. I thought I would just be able to share it with everyone... but it turns out that it is SUPER boring because it has to be very PG. Thus, I'm writing this new one. I'm going to now attempt summarize the last week in one entry. And I think we all know what that means: Bullet points!!

First two days of Belgium

• Accidently walked through red light district to get to my hostel. 
• Got a Belgian waffle and oh my lordy it was more than I had ever dreamed and more. I will never go back to funnel cakes. 
• Toured the European Commission & European Parliament. It was interesting to me but probably no one else so I'm not writing about it. If you feel an overwhelming urge to hear about the Lisbon Treaty and the economic ramifications of the euro zone, we can talk later.  
• Toured downtown Brussels and saw awesome murals all over. A-like so:

Two days in Luxembourg:

• Embarrassed constantly by small children who speak 4+ languages more than me. 
• Flicked off by two old men who were mad that we were standing in their way. (separeate occasions)
• Food poisoning in McDonalds. EVERYONE BOYCOTT LUXEMBOURG MCDONALDS WHENEVER POSSIBLE. Their manager is rude. 
• Went out for 21st birthday at a dive bar. An old man with about 5 teeth let his dog roam free in the bar. It was awesome. 
• Saw Harry Potter TWO DAYS before anyone else. Hi, I'm kind of a big deal. The only downside? It was subtitled with Dutch and French so the words took up half the screen.
• Observed a head shop in Luxembourg in which they were ACTIVELY growing pot. I don't know if they were selling it... we were too scared to go inside. This was in the middle of a shopping mall:

While we collectively gasped and clutched at our pearls, the Luxembourgians looked at us like we were waaay too uptight.

fin.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go wash my underwear in the sink. The nearest laundromat is 20 blocks away and I'm hitting sheer desperados.